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Sunday, September 18, 2011

The colors of autumn

Well the colors of autumn are almost in full array, the leaves are turning to the most beautiful colors of orange, yellow, red and amber.  The wonderful days of this summer are to be no more, the only remnant of this crazy, exciting, wonderful days are the awe-some memories.  The times of being blessed by the warm weather and the fellowship of a special, inspiring person.
I will always hold close, the events of this past summer as the most wonderful summer of my life.  There were days when all I could do was humbly bow and give thanks to my Savior  for the blessing of that day, most of the time, I had no words to adequately express my gratitude to Him.
I will always hold dear the days fishing for king salmon up at the river with Nul' bey , and sometimes other friends would join us, each time was special.  The pure joy of witnessing the thrill and excitement of her hooking on to a salmon, almost too large to land, her exuberance with that fish on the line was amazing, the thrill in her voice as she struggle to bring the monster lunker ashore, was just as thrilling for me to watch as it was for her to fight the big fish.  She landed the big fish, and other fish was caught by her and each was a thrill to witness.
The memories of fishing with a net on the Cook Inlet for king salmon and teaching her our traditional ways of preparing the salmon, smoking, salt-down, and freeze for the winter was just as amazing.  I can still visualize her trying to pull the net off the beach with the running line.  The visualization of her pulling on the line with all her effort to reset the net in the water, was futile, until we would join her in her struggle to set the net, was a special moment in time.  She got her work-out, she got muddy, she got bloody from the fish, but all this was amazing and will be in my memory bank.
The other events of this summer, was just as awe inspiring as the above, the long walk on the beach, the gathering of "pretty rocks", the cutting of birch bark for baskets, the berry picking, the fellowship and worship time, the prayer time....
This was the summer to remember always.  But the one person responsible for the outcome of this summer and the transformation in our lives, to whom we will always be grateful is our Lord and Savior.  I didn't want the special season to end, nobody does, but as the fisherman say "time and tide waits for no one".
Just as the summer was so very special for me, I can now look, with expectancy, with joy, with anticipation the events to come, for now I can see with eyes that have been reopened and a heart that was, for so long hardened, was made soft again and open to the ways and will of the Almighty.
Life for me, again, is lonely and dreary, but I can now see the days ahead will be filled with the cares of this world, the trials and what ever may come my way will be met with and by a transformed man.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

View from the better side

The past years have been filled with the full spectrum of trials, tribulations and testing for me. The worst years was when I lost my wife in a car accident.  I believe she was a gift from Him, we were inseparable, we had dreams, visions and always speculated about the possibilities of future bountiful events the Lord had for us. Then one day in a second, the dreams, visions, ambition, drive, and hope was shattered.  My life as I knew it, living for a purpose was gone, in a second.  I walked this earth, the domain of Satan, for years without a cause or purpose, the tragic event left me alone, I wasn't on the same communication level with Him, as I seen Him as the bystander and not the mountain mover.  I have asked Him forgive me and lead me the the heights of hope and love again, when she was walking with me. 
The first years of her absence were for me  were dead at best.  I lost everything I held dear, I couldn't love, have compassion. or care for other concerns in peoples lives.  Many would come and ask for advise and comment on certain political or religious topics, I would give a response they needed and all seem to be back to normal, as I have become a person fueled Hydraulic oil and anti-freeze.  I would look into certain lives and see the trials they were going through, but inside there was a void, a void of compassion and understanding and love.
Recent years have been blessed for me, the knowledge and understanding of the scripture, the thoughts and wonders of the Almighty were returning, but they were filed in my memory bank for future use.  The scripture as it relate to me and to us, without the understanding of the love and compassion it was written with. is pretty useless, I had the understanding, but the love and compassion didn't come in the same package.
I am a educated professional adult, I believe that there is order and protocol for everything on this earth and with the Almighty, logical order, but the sequence of events that led to the transformation of myself and another was nothing short of a crazy miracle, something that changed me was an act of lunacy, events that led me to do what I would not entertain is crazy indeed.  After the tragic loss, I lose the ability to love and have compassion, I wanted that back, I didn't receive it, so I closed those doors and fueled up on hydraulic fluid and anti-freeze.
The phrase God work in mysterious ways is truly an understatement, because the words I used were used against me.  I said I will not fall in love again.  God in His wisdom and understanding, not only use a wonderful person to reopen the door to love and compassion, but He is using us as a mirror to reflect His light to others. I will express my gratitude to Him always for His Love and Compassion and for the one He sent into my life that brought the transformation into both of our lives